Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
