so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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