I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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