I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
