so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
