i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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