I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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