one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
