eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
