shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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