i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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