I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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