Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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