"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
