My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize