"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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