Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I want a musical about memes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
