I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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