Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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