This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
