get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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