I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
