Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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