I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
