is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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