There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
