Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
