battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize