I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
