hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
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you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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