Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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