6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish you could order shots online.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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