I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
