This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
