When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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