i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
