I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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