My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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