You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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