no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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