she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
