Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
