Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
its liver damage thursday
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
