Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
