yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
