so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
