nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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