I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
