I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
