I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
