btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
operation harelip BJ is a go
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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