When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
