She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
