I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i now understand why vodka
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
