Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
