birth control should be required to get into college
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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