Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
