I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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